Some things, even though I know them, I don't really realize or truly understand them. No one told me that when I had children that they would really go away some day. I am in the middle of that someday and boy am I struggling. A lot of my friends have told me that I will love it when this day comes.....well guess what, I don't. We have done so much together with our kids, as in everything forever since day one, that it feels like they are leaving "cold turkey". Last year when Benjamin left home for his freshman year in college, I cried. I cried many many times in many different places over many different memories. I seriously cried when I saw his favorite ice cream in the grocery store. I still have a huge pain inside of me that just won't go away.
And now, to add insult to injury, my Lucas is leaving home in just a month to go to college. One would think that I would have become de-sensitized to this in one way or another. Wrong! It is not any easier at all. HOnestly, once my sons started looking at colleges their junior year in high school, it became hard to just enjoy them as "kids at home." From that point on, they are looking forward and they really aren't looking back. I know this is healthy and it is what I have wanted my children. BUT, it is not easy. Just know that it isn't just a cliche' that "oh they grow so fast" or "enjoy them, it only seems like yesterday", because it is really really really true. I am processing this huge transition in my life, not without pain and not without joy. I will be writing more on this later. For now, I just needed to get this started as I need to at least let myself know what I am feeling!
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